Animals
10 Things I Have Said to Both My Toddler and My Cats
Cats… kids… same thing, really.
“Which one of us are you talking to, Mom?”
Turns out, being kitty parents all these years really did prepare us for raising babies of the human variety — more so than I ever expected, as I find myself saying the very same things to our cats and our toddler. For example…
10. “Stop licking me. It feels weird.”
9. “Sit still! There’s poop stuck on your butt.”
8. “Get off that table!”
7. “It would make me very happy if you wore this hat and let me take a picture.”
6. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”
5. “Ouch. We need to cut your nails.”
4. “You have no idea how good your life is. I wish all I had to do is sleep and eat and play all day.”
3. “Why won’t you eat your dinner? I thought you liked chicken!”
2. “STOP IT — YOU’RE GOING TO WAKE THE BABY!”
1. “Are you mocking me?”
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The last thing this poor dog needs is your rude remarks, Pam.
Friends, family members and even strange poodles at the dog park will sometimes offer suggestions–or opinions–to new canine mothers nursing abandoned kittens. Many times, although it’s meant to be helpful, it can sound more like criticism than concern and make the dog want to bite the judgmental asshole right on the ankle. To avoid that unnecessary hurt (on both sides), here are six things NOT to say to a dog nursing kittens:
#1 — Do you know those are fucking CATS?!
Questioning the dog’s ability to differentiate between a puppy and a kitten could irritate her, leading to hurt feelings and a pile of dog shit on your new shoes.
#2 — I’ll feed the kittens with bottles so you can rest. A few bottles can’t hurt.
STEP OFF, FORMULA PUSHER!
#3 — Nursing kittens will lead to saggy nipples.
Seriously, if you say that, you’re just a dick.
#4 — Doesn’t it hurt when the kittens knead your stomach?
Duh.
#5 — Are you really going to nurse those kittens right here in front of us?
A mom dog has every right to feed kittens in a public area. If it makes you uncomfortable, perhaps you’re the one who should hide your head under a dog blanket!
#6 — Would you mind if I took a picture of you nursing those kittens and posted it on social media?
Everyone knows people go NUTS for pictures of animals nurturing other kinds of animals on Facebook. However, as you can see from the dog’s pained look above, she does not appreciate this violation of her privacy–so it’s probably best if you just do it without asking for permission, like we did.
So you are a cat lover who is a different breed all together — the kind who searches for the perfect feline-inspired pun to liven up their exchanges. But did you know your cat thinks you sound ridiculous? Read on to see how cats really feel about these popular puns.
1. Clawful
Meaning: Awful, but in an endearing way.
Your cat:
“No.”
2. Paw-some
Meaning: Better than awesome; KITTY-LEVEL awesome.
Your cat:
“You’re embarrassing yourself, human.”
3. Kitten me
Meaning: What you say to your cat when she does something funny: “You’ve got to be kitten me!”
Your cat:
“Don’t do this.”
4. Meow
Meaning: A cute way to express urgency. “Let’s go to the groomer, Bootsy — right meow!”
Your cat:
“I’m so disappointed in you.”
5. Litter-ally
Meaning: Literally, but totes more adorable.
Your cat:
“That is litter-ally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Animals
Fun Animal Fact: If You Think You Have It Rough, Try Being a Female Swamp Wallaby
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She also doesn’t need any more diaper bags, thankyouverymuch. JUST SOME FREAKIN’ SLEEP.
Animals
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Donkeys don’t handle their liquor well.
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Animals
These Female Animals Are All of Us
Proving that certain relationship truths are indeed universal.
#1 – “Not tonight, dear. I have a headache.”
Credit: The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards
#2 – “OMG, I wish he’d shut up about his fantasy football team already.”
#3 – When you just started dating and discover you have different kissing styles…
#4 – …and you finally realize it’s bad enough that you have to part ways.
#5 – When friends stop you from going home with that loser at the bar.
#6 – When you’re chatting up a seemingly nice guy and suddenly get a dick pic.
#7 – That awkward moment when you realize that no matter how close you felt online, everything changes once you meet in person.
#8 – When you misunderstand a guy’s request for a “swinger.”
#9 – What your boyfriend looks like whenever you try to take a romantic selfie with him.
#10 – When you’re mad at bae, but still wanna hold hands.
Credit: twitter.com/cuteemergency
Animals
Fun Animal Fact: Distinguishing an Alligator from a Crocodile
Their farewell approach is key.
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