@alboedesign

##shitshow ##homeandgarden ##fallplants ##outdoordecor ##decor ##falldecor ##mums

♬ original sound – alboe

Wow! Check out this great home and garden tip, courtesy of @alboedesign on TikTok, just in time for the leaves to die and fall and make everything look depressing, anyway.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

1 glass of wine
2 mums in your favorite color
2 plant containers
A shit to give

Warning: Once seen, cannot be unseen.

Possible side effects of watching this deepfake of Willem Dafaoe in Julia Roberts’ iconic role include nightmares, uncomfortable laughter, an inexplicable desire to see more.

Ah, period humor. You know what they say: if you can’t beat the bloating, cramping and mood swinging … mock it. (DISCLAIMER: These Tweets, along with most everything else in life, will appear funnier when not under the influence of PMS.)

#1 –

“I’m probably just eating so much because I’m about to get my period,” I say, every day of the month, 365 days a year.

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) August 7, 2017

#2 –

A woman could have four broken limbs and massive internal injuries due to an epic battle with fire-breathing dragons, and the first question the doctor’s office will ask is, “What is the date of your last menstrual period?”

— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) May 8, 2021

#3 –

americans are treating coronavirus like I treat my period— pretending it’s finished when it is obviously not!

— ziwe (@ziwe) May 19, 2020

#4 –

I hope when I die it’s two days before my period so the demon that possesses me during that time dies with me

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) March 19, 2018

#5 –

Instead of tracking my period just track what time of the month I “get the idea” to get an MFA in creative writing.

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 17, 2019

#6 –

Me two days before my period: https://t.co/shxHgmAdT2

— plz, no more thinkpieces (@WhittyHuton91) March 2, 2019

#7 –

Him: Hi
Me, on my period: I feel like you’re lying but ok

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) August 11, 2020

#8 –

told my boyfriend I was going to start my period and he said, “AGAIN??”

it’s like, you know what, you’re right, I’m cancelling my subscription.

— m. diane (@cULTMOTHER) June 11, 2018

#9 –

I just said out loud “I don’t really like the word ‘menstruation’, it just doesn’t flow”

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) February 11, 2017

#10 –

I would 100% sign up for a period app that sends me push notifications leading up to my period that are like “this anxiety is hormonal” or “do you might feel like the world is ending,” or “it’s 2 am on the 27th day of your cycle, maybe wait until morning to send that snippy text”

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) June 27, 2020

#11 –

My period: k I’m out
Me: you sure? Got all your shit?
My period: yeah
Me: ARE YOU SURE?????
My period: yeah, for sure, bye.
*doesn’t wear pad/tampon*
My period: actually wait, let me halla at you for a second………

— BALD MEDUSA (@bald_medusa) July 30, 2019

#12 –

when your period is late but you haven’t had sex so you start worrying that you may be carrying Jesus’ brother 😭

— jade (@jadefernxndez) March 30, 2019

#13 –

Whenever I hear a lady in the next stall trying to unwrap a tampon as quietly as possible I yell, “HEY, IS THAT CANDY? CAN I HAVE SOME?”

— rachelle mandik 🕳 (@rachelle_mandik) March 3, 2016

#14 –

Period:🎶Guess who’s back… Back again🎶

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

— Lacey Nycole (@LaceyNycole) December 5, 2015

#15 –

I love being a woman because if I have any sort of pain it can be a pregnancy, my period, a tumor, or hysteria.

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 16, 2019

#16 –

my period making her monthly visit #metgala pic.twitter.com/xVhmaUGEDM

— CAT SANDERS (@catcsanders) May 7, 2019

#17 –

[arm falls off] probably cuz my period’s soon

— pfizer minelli (@hellohappy_time) June 13, 2018

#18 –

my PERIOD this month is looking more like an ELLIPSIS…

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) September 22, 2020

#19 –

When I put in a new tampon and five minutes later think, “but did I take out my old tampon?” pic.twitter.com/8gMeZspIvn

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 27, 2017

#20 –

As a mother of three, the most beautiful gift I received today was my period.

— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) May 9, 2016

At the beginning of the pandemic, Jax took to TikTok to do what many others were doing — share song parodies. Only her spoofs, written from different perspectives, were particularly clever, immediately spawning a huge following and, eventually, a record deal. She first went viral after posting her take on Fountains Of Wayne’s “Stacy’s Mom” from Stacy’s mom’s perspective.

@jaxwritessongsStacy’s Mom from Stacy’s Mom’s Perspective 🙄🙄🙄. ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral ##fyp ##songs♬ original sound – Jax

“I’m a songwriter here, out in LA. I write like five for six days in the week and when quarantine happened, I wasn’t really allowed to go into the studio anymore, and I kind of just dove in on the piano and started posting original songs on TikTok,” Jax explained to Ellen DeGeneres. “And for like, literally, a year, I have like four views a video – totally flopping. And then one day, I was just in the apartment watching TV, and I was like, ‘It would be a really cool idea if I did like a really goofy parody point-of-view video from Stacey’s mom’s perspective.’ And I did it like as my mom… I just got goofy on TikTok and I posted the video, went to sleep with 1,000 views and woke up with over a million.”

She added, “It was like craziness.”

And, like, crazy funny. Some more of her brilliance:

“Party in the USA” from the Uber Driver’s POV

@jaxwritessongsParty in the USA from the Uber Driver’s POV 🙄 ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral♬ original sound – Jax

Update from Avril Lavigne & Sk8er Boi 18 years later

@jaxwritessongsUpdate from Avril Lavigne & Sk8er Boi 18 years later 🤘🏼 ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral ##xyzbca @leum.cozack♬ Sk8er Boi JAX – Jax

“Chandelier” from the Housekeeper’s POV

@jaxwritessongsChandelier from the Housekeeper’s POV 🙄😳 ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral ##ohno♬ Jax Chandelier – Jax

Jessie’s Girl From Jessie’s Girl’s Perspective

@jaxwritessongsJessie’s Girl From Jessie’s Girl’s Perspective 👀. ##fypシ ##viral ##foryou ##fyp Jessie played by @mishnrz

♬ original sound – Jax

These may not be “the sign” you’re seeking in life, but at least these messed up ones will give you a chuckle:

IF YOU’VE GOT SHONGLES, BE SURE TO GET YOUR SHIT!

BUT HE SURE DOES LOVE A GOOD FILET MIGNON.

EXPLAINS WHY THE SERVICE CAN BE CRAPPY.

MAKE SURE YOU ALSO HAVE FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI.

PASS.

BUT DON’T GUFFAW IT. THEN IT WILL NEVER CLOSE.

BUT I’M EXPECTING A KALE.

UMMM… OWEN CAN KEEP IT, THANKS.

THANKS FOR THE WARNING.

HOPEFULLY, IT TEACHES PROPER GRAMMAR.

Although you may think it’s impossible to top the original Princess Bride (and you’d be right), this remake certainly comes close. Nearly 90 actors — from Jennifer Garner to Paul Rudd to some of the original actors — tackled various scenes from the iconic film, covid-style (meaning from their homes with their own homemade costumes and props), all to benefit World Central Kitchen and families who need their help during the pandemic. And the result is just delightful! Here’s a supercut of some of the best takes. Just be sure to watch ’til the end for some waterworks.

Check out Quibi for the full performance.

Can you say “cognitively there”? pic.twitter.com/ygm9ZmYNLN

— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) July 24, 2020

President Donald Trump is obsessed with his cognitive test results — so much so, that he can’t stop bragging about his ability to remember four simple words while we’re in the midst of a freakin’ pandemic. So Jimmy Fallon and his Tonight Show crew took the liberty of having some fun with his boasting and creating a video that truly demonstrates how childish Trump sounds.

Hooray!

In comedian Sarah Cooper’s latest take on Donald Trump’s gibberish, she has some golden material: Trump boasting on Fox News that he had to remember the string of words, “Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.” as part of a test that he said demonstrated his mental acuity. (The best mental acuity! Tremendous!) Not only does he sound ridiculous bragging about this test that a toddler could pass (no offense to toddlers), but the test, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, is actually meant to detect signs of dementia, Alzheimer’s disease or other conditions.

D’oh.

Thank goodness for Sarah Cooper’s hilarious take on this not-so-hilarious situation.

Comedian Sarah Cooper has been pretty much the only bright spot of the pandemic — in fact, her lip-syncing impressions of President Donald Trump may just be the only thing holding our country together right now. In her latest video, “How to Immigration Policy,” Sarah offers her typical deadpan delivery of his nonsensical speeches, punctuated with brilliant moments such as him falling asleep as he struggles to think of the name of El Salvador and Joe Biden, all while Trump rages on about ejecting murderous immigrants.