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10 Funny Tweets to Entertain You During Quarantine

Funny posts for women about everything from online shopping to moms hitting the bars after lockdown.

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#1 –

"online shopping for 3 hours and then closing all the tabs and not buying anything is one of my favorite hobbies.:

The online version of window shopping.

#2 –

"Reached the age where sleeping with the wrong pillow feels like I fell out of a 12th story window."

Can’t… move… neck…

#3 –

"I'm an introvert, but I liked the option to make plans to see people or go places and then backing out of those plans."

Miss those days of backing out at the last minute.

#4 –

So… therapeutic?

#5 –

Never met a small, blocked pore we didn’t want to pick until it became a bloody crime scene.

#6 –

Funny Tweet About Walking Up Hill

We’re fine! Just… fine. Totally not out of shape.

#7 –

Funny Tweet About Therapist

Honestly? Solves most problems.

#8 –

Funny Tweet about wearing jeans at home.

Not an overstatement.

#9 –

bars open moms tweet

This is not a drill.

#10 –

Anna Kendrick Sweatpants Without Pockets Tweet

But… isn’t that what bras are for?

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Funny Christmas Memes That Will Make Your Belly Shake When You Laugh

…yes, like a bowl full of jelly.

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#1 – Come on now.

Three wise men? Be serious.

#2 – 🎶 All I want for Christmas… 🎶

Christmas list: a fucking break

#3 – Mmmmm. 😳

“Infant so tender and mild” implies the existence of a chewy and spicy baby.

#4 – *Wraps an empty box and throws it away in front of them for dramatic effect*

Funny Christmas meme for moms

#5 – Fun Christmas fact:

How do we know Santa's a man

#6 – Don’t even ask.

cat stuck in christmas tree (1)

#7 – He knows if you’ve been naughty or grammatically incorrect.

santa ive seen your facebook posts dictionary

#8 – *Exercises every bit of willpower to wait until kid goes to bed to rearrange ornaments*

Me watching my kid put ornaments in a big clump on one section of the Christmas tree

#9 – Have a holly, Dolly Christmas…

Couldn't choose between a star and an angel so I went with both dolly parton

Photo credit: twitter.com/katrpaterson

#10 – Happy, she is.

 

 

 

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I Can’t Get My Sh*t Together: Home and Garden Edition

Planting mums has never been easier!

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@alboedesign

##shitshow ##homeandgarden ##fallplants ##outdoordecor ##decor ##falldecor ##mums

♬ original sound – alboe

Wow! Check out this great home and garden tip, courtesy of @alboedesign on TikTok, just in time for the leaves to die and fall and make everything look depressing, anyway.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

1 glass of wine
2 mums in your favorite color
2 plant containers
A shit to give

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If PRETTY WOMAN Starred Willem Dafoe…

Warning: Once seen, cannot be unseen.

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Warning: Once seen, cannot be unseen.

Possible side effects of watching this deepfake of Willem Dafaoe in Julia Roberts’ iconic role include nightmares, uncomfortable laughter, an inexplicable desire to see more.

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These 20 Tweets About Menstruation Are Funny — Period

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Ah, period humor. You know what they say: if you can’t beat the bloating, cramping and mood swinging … mock it. (DISCLAIMER: These Tweets, along with most everything else in life, will appear funnier when not under the influence of PMS.)

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Watch Hilarious TikTok Song Parodies from Former ‘Idol’ Contestant Jax

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At the beginning of the pandemic, Jax took to TikTok to do what many others were doing — share song parodies. Only her spoofs, written from different perspectives, were particularly clever, immediately spawning a huge following and, eventually, a record deal. She first went viral after posting her take on Fountains Of Wayne’s “Stacy’s Mom” from Stacy’s mom’s perspective.

@jaxwritessongsStacy’s Mom from Stacy’s Mom’s Perspective 🙄🙄🙄. ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral ##fyp ##songs♬ original sound – Jax

“I’m a songwriter here, out in LA. I write like five for six days in the week and when quarantine happened, I wasn’t really allowed to go into the studio anymore, and I kind of just dove in on the piano and started posting original songs on TikTok,” Jax explained to Ellen DeGeneres. “And for like, literally, a year, I have like four views a video – totally flopping. And then one day, I was just in the apartment watching TV, and I was like, ‘It would be a really cool idea if I did like a really goofy parody point-of-view video from Stacey’s mom’s perspective.’ And I did it like as my mom… I just got goofy on TikTok and I posted the video, went to sleep with 1,000 views and woke up with over a million.”

She added, “It was like craziness.”

And, like, crazy funny. Some more of her brilliance:

“Party in the USA” from the Uber Driver’s POV

@jaxwritessongsParty in the USA from the Uber Driver’s POV 🙄 ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral♬ original sound – Jax

Update from Avril Lavigne & Sk8er Boi 18 years later

@jaxwritessongsUpdate from Avril Lavigne & Sk8er Boi 18 years later 🤘🏼 ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral ##xyzbca @leum.cozack♬ Sk8er Boi JAX – Jax

“Chandelier” from the Housekeeper’s POV

@jaxwritessongsChandelier from the Housekeeper’s POV 🙄😳 ##fypシ ##foryou ##viral ##ohno♬ Jax Chandelier – Jax

Jessie’s Girl From Jessie’s Girl’s Perspective

@jaxwritessongsJessie’s Girl From Jessie’s Girl’s Perspective 👀. ##fypシ ##viral ##foryou ##fyp Jessie played by @mishnrz

♬ original sound – Jax

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Looking for a Sign? Here Are Some Funny Ones.

NOW HIRING SMILING FECES.

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These may not be “the sign” you’re seeking in life, but at least these messed up ones will give you a chuckle:

IF YOU’VE GOT SHONGLES, BE SURE TO GET YOUR SHIT!

Walgreens Sign Get Your Shongles Shit Today

BUT HE SURE DOES LOVE A GOOD FILET MIGNON.

God does not make misteaks

EXPLAINS WHY THE SERVICE CAN BE CRAPPY.

MAKE SURE YOU ALSO HAVE FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI.

PASS.

BUT DON’T GUFFAW IT. THEN IT WILL NEVER CLOSE.

GIGGLE-THE-DOOR-KNOB-SIGN

BUT I’M EXPECTING A KALE.

FUNNY SIGN THAT SAYS NO CELERY PHONES

UMMM… OWEN CAN KEEP IT, THANKS.

THANKS FOR THE WARNING.

HEAVY ERECTION UNDER PROGRESS

HOPEFULLY, IT TEACHES PROPER GRAMMAR.

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88 Actors Recreate ‘The Princess Bride’ for Charity — and Our Entertainment

Inconceivable!

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Although you may think it’s impossible to top the original Princess Bride (and you’d be right), this remake certainly comes close. Nearly 90 actors — from Jennifer Garner to Paul Rudd to some of the original actors — tackled various scenes from the iconic film, covid-style (meaning from their homes with their own homemade costumes and props), all to benefit World Central Kitchen and families who need their help during the pandemic. And the result is just delightful! Here’s a supercut of some of the best takes. Just be sure to watch ’til the end for some waterworks.

Check out Quibi for the full performance.

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Que Bueno! Watch Donald Trump Follow Dora the Explorer’s Instructions!

Hooray!

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President Donald Trump is obsessed with his cognitive test results — so much so, that he can’t stop bragging about his ability to remember four simple words while we’re in the midst of a freakin’ pandemic. So Jimmy Fallon and his Tonight Show crew took the liberty of having some fun with his boasting and creating a video that truly demonstrates how childish Trump sounds.

Hooray!

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Sarah Cooper as Donald Trump: How to “Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.”

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In comedian Sarah Cooper’s latest take on Donald Trump’s gibberish, she has some golden material: Trump boasting on Fox News that he had to remember the string of words, “Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.” as part of a test that he said demonstrated his mental acuity. (The best mental acuity! Tremendous!) Not only does he sound ridiculous bragging about this test that a toddler could pass (no offense to toddlers), but the test, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, is actually meant to detect signs of dementia, Alzheimer’s disease or other conditions.

D’oh.

Thank goodness for Sarah Cooper’s hilarious take on this not-so-hilarious situation.

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