So you are a cat lover who is a different breed all together — the kind who searches for the perfect feline-inspired pun to liven up their exchanges. But did you know your cat thinks you sound ridiculous? Read on to see how cats really feel about these popular puns.

1. Clawful 

Meaning: Awful, but in an endearing way.

Your cat:

“No.”

2. Paw-some

Meaning: Better than awesome; KITTY-LEVEL awesome.

Your cat:

“You’re embarrassing yourself, human.”

3. Kitten me

Meaning: What you say to your cat when she does something funny: “You’ve got to be kitten me!”

Your cat:

“Don’t do this.”

4. Meow

Meaning: A cute way to express urgency. “Let’s go to the groomer, Bootsy — right meow!”

Your cat:

“I’m so disappointed in you.”

5. Litter-ally

Meaning: Literally, but totes more adorable.

Your cat:

“That is litter-ally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

#1 – SHOCK & DENIAL

Am I really going to put myself through this modern-day torture device? I don’t need to succumb to societal pressure to look thinner, do I?

#2 – PAIN & GUILT

Oh god, I can’t get it over my shoulders. Now I can’t get it off. It’s stuck. I knew I shouldn’t have done this. Dear god, it’s SQUEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF ME.

#3 – ANGER & BARGAINING

I’ll be damned if I get stuck here in a Nordstrom’s dressing room for the rest of my life! That’s it — I’m gonna show this SPANX Higher Power who REALLY has the power in this relationship. If I just tug here, pull there, and do the downward dog over there, maybe I can roll it off…

#4 – DEPRESSION, REFLECTION, LONELINESS

OMG, I really am going to die alone in a Nordstrom’s dressing room. Ironic thing is, by the time they find the remains of my body, I won’t even need the Spanx anymore.

#5 – THE UPWARD TURN

Wait! I think I’ve got it.

#6 – RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH

Just need to suck in my gut a little more. Yes! Now keep rolling it down over my muffin top…

#7 – ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

IT’S. ON. I may not be able to ever get it off, but at least I’m going to ROCK my high school reunion, baby!

You ghoul, girl!

Singer Ke$ha recently revealed that her vagina had been haunted by a horny ghost, which prompted her to seek a vaginal ghost exorcism. I know what you’re thinking and I couldn’t agree more: How AMAZING would it be to have a haunted vagina? And why on earth would you ever want to exorcise it? As this list proves, Ke$ha obviously didn’t realize what a good thing she had goin’ on. Here are the…

Top 10 Best Things About a Ghost Haunting Your Vagina

#10 – They don’t call ’em SUPERnatural for nothing. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

#9 – Well, you know the saying: “Once you go poltergeist, you’ll be forever enticed.”

#8 – You can boast that J.Lo isn’t the only one gettin’ it on with a Casper.

#7 – They bring their own shackles.

#6 – A dead soul that’s been roaming the Earth for centuries tends to be less judgmental about a missed bikini wax.

#5 – They’re known for getting between the sheets.

#4 – If all goes well, you’ll get to utter a famous Ghostbusters phrase: “HE SLIMED ME!”

#3 – Ghosts like screamers.

#2 – Only a matter of time until you and your new friend are starring in the reality show, Ghostlusters.

#1 – I hear the orgasms are phantasmic.