#1 – When you have to cough, but don’t want people to think you have coronavirus:

#2 – When you hear you have to homeschool your kids for the foreseeable future:

#3 – When you realize this is the third pint of ice cream you’ve eaten. In one day.

#4 – When you make the mistake of stepping on the scale:

#5 – When you realize you’re touching your face again:

#6 – When you’re out and people aren’t adhering to social distancing:

#7 – When you just need a moment to f*cking cry:

#8 – When you experience a tickle in your throat and convince yourself you have coronavirus:

#9 – When you see your neighbors are having a get-together at their house:

#10 – When you don’t have access to your usual waxing resources:

#11 – When you’re bored AF:

#12 – When you’re disinfecting the sh*t out of your house.

#13 – When Mom tells you to sing the “Happy Birthday” song while washing your hands one more time:

#14 – When you see there’s yet another coronavirus song parody:

#15 – When you’re dreaming of everything you’re going to do once you’re out of self-isolation:

Well, this is one way to get folks to eat more vegetables.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by @amyschumer

Amy Schumer’s husband, Chris Fischer (who happens to be a chef), stumbled upon this carrot that would make Jon Hamm jealous — and, of course, Amy can’t help but introduce the anatomically correct carrot to the world in hilarious fashion, repeating “this is a carrot” numerous times, presumably to remind herself so that she doesn’t start putting the moves on the impressively hung root vegetable.

Her fans also started having some fun with it.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by @amyschumer

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by @amyschumer

Naturally, Amy has now launched a campaign to SAVE THE CARROT!

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by @amyschumer

While we send thoughts and prayers to the decaying, well-endowed carrot, let’s peruse other anatomically correct vegetables, shall we?

An anatomically correct tomato grew in our garden.

You say tomato, I say… how YOU doin’?

No shame in bringing this He Shou Wu plant home to mom and dad.

This pumpkin pairs perfectly with Chardonnay and a well-hung He Shou Wu plant.

Your dishwasher, washing machine, refrigerator, oven, garbage can, toilet and shower have something they’d like to say to you about their use during self-quarantine.

#1 –

#2 –

#3 –

#4 –

#5 –

#6 –

#7 –

#1 –

#2 –

#3 –

via Sunshine & Chalk

#4 –

#5 –

#6 –

#7 –

#8 –

#9 – A hot new work lunch spot:

#10 –

Because if there is one thing that has always helped us survive rough times, it’s cat memes.

(more…)