#1 – When you have to cough, but don’t want people to think you have coronavirus:

#2 – When you hear you have to homeschool your kids for the foreseeable future:

#3 – When you realize this is the third pint of ice cream you’ve eaten. In one day.

#4 – When you make the mistake of stepping on the scale:

#5 – When you realize you’re touching your face again:

#6 – When you’re out and people aren’t adhering to social distancing:

#7 – When you just need a moment to f*cking cry:

#8 – When you experience a tickle in your throat and convince yourself you have coronavirus:

#9 – When you see your neighbors are having a get-together at their house:

#10 – When you don’t have access to your usual waxing resources:

#11 – When you’re bored AF:

#12 – When you’re disinfecting the sh*t out of your house.

#13 – When Mom tells you to sing the “Happy Birthday” song while washing your hands one more time:

#14 – When you see there’s yet another coronavirus song parody:

#15 – When you’re dreaming of everything you’re going to do once you’re out of self-isolation:

Well, this is one way to get folks to eat more vegetables.

 

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A post shared by @amyschumer

Amy Schumer’s husband, Chris Fischer (who happens to be a chef), stumbled upon this carrot that would make Jon Hamm jealous — and, of course, Amy can’t help but introduce the anatomically correct carrot to the world in hilarious fashion, repeating “this is a carrot” numerous times, presumably to remind herself so that she doesn’t start putting the moves on the impressively hung root vegetable.

Her fans also started having some fun with it.

 

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A post shared by @amyschumer

 

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A post shared by @amyschumer

Naturally, Amy has now launched a campaign to SAVE THE CARROT!

 

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A post shared by @amyschumer

While we send thoughts and prayers to the decaying, well-endowed carrot, let’s peruse other anatomically correct vegetables, shall we?

An anatomically correct tomato grew in our garden.

You say tomato, I say… how YOU doin’?

No shame in bringing this He Shou Wu plant home to mom and dad.

This pumpkin pairs perfectly with Chardonnay and a well-hung He Shou Wu plant.

Your dishwasher, washing machine, refrigerator, oven, garbage can, toilet and shower have something they’d like to say to you about their use during self-quarantine.

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#1 – This man is really using his noodle.

#2 – When your elderly parents keep going to the store and you have to find creative ways to keep them home.

#3 – The penis test.

via https://www.facebook.com/mindy.h.vincent/posts/10216582965353252

#4 – A coronavirus convertible.

#5 – Well, that’s one way to keep being an Uber driver.

INSTAGRAM/KATIEISMONSTER

#6 – Grocery shopping, quarantine-style.

#7 – Another option.

 

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Meanwhile in Town

A post shared by katieismonster (@katieismonster) on Mar 12, 2020 at 12:34am PDT

#8 – 🎵 Dancing with myself …🎵

#9 – Cruisin’.

Couple decide to recreate their canceled cruise #coronavirus pic.twitter.com/kRBjabMXHX

— Giles Paley-Phillips (@eliistender10) March 15, 2020

#10 – Dating in 2020.

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via Sunshine & Chalk

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#9 – A hot new work lunch spot:

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